Kiddo Mag issue 21 OUT NOW
Finding time for yourself can be an elusive quest…
…especially when you’re a mother! In this issue we are honing our self-love, wellbeing and wellness vibes in an effort to manifest the feel-good into our lives.
We speak with nutritionists, well-being coaches, sleep experts and movement specialists to find out more about our bodies and our minds—and how focusing on ourselves occasionally might just mean we don’t end up hiding from the kiddos in the walk-in wardrobe in desperate need of some alone time…quite so often.
Gracing the front cover of this issue is the funny, talented and generous of heart @themikkifisher2.0 who created @the.redtent, a space for new mums, women and basically the entire rainbow of humankind to come together, feel safe sharing their struggles and connect. Mikki wants to shine the spotlight on mental health, get rid of the long-held stigma attached and celebrate healing. In a world where the saying “women are expected to work like they don’t have children, and parent like they don’t work” seems to ring true more than ever before, we couldn’t love this movement more!
We hope you take a moment to yourself to read this issue (even if it happens to be in the silence of your own walk-in wardrobe), inhale KIDDO and exhale positivity!
Charlotte and Liv x
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The Red Tent: Changing the game of mental health
Owner of mental health space, The Red Tent, Mikki Fisher wants to change the game of mental health.
The business owner, mother of three and strong advocate for mental health found herself inundated on her social media platform with women who wanted to open their hearts to her. Instead of leaving these messages unopened in favour of prioritising sponsored content like so many influencers may have done, Mikki decided she wanted to make a difference. On a mission to create a safe space where women could openly discuss mental health struggles, Mikki believes that by changing our attitude towards mental health, we can get rid of the stigma attached and instead celebrate healing.
We chat with Mikki about her online mental health space, The Red Tent, how it evolved and how people can get involved.
Tell us about The Red Tent
The Red Tent is an online mental health space for women*. We provide a safe space with online therapy, workshops, resources and more. We want to change the game of mental health! We believe that healing should be for everyone. We want to f*ck off the stigma by changing our attitude towards mental health. We want to remove the shameful, white-coat feel about it and instead celebrate healing.
*We are a safe space for everyone! We have a rainbow of clients! The Red Tent will be the women’s section but we are growing on that.
What prompted you to launch it?
I found myself attracting people (especially women) who felt comfortable enough to share their traumas, struggles and feelings with me. I always have for some reason! Strangers have always opened up to me in a really beautiful and vulnerable way! Once I started to create a bit of a platform I was finding myself inundated with women sharing their hearts with me.
I love helping people so much! I love being a safe space! And I want to give everyone every second of my time and energy, but I can’t. Plus it’s also not productive of me to be that person. I was constantly recommending women to seek help, because I know from my own personal experience how effective it is. I have always believed that nurturing your mental, spiritual and emotional health should be treated the same way we treat our physical health.
I became a bit of an evangelist for healing. I just wanted everyone to know how empowering and life-changing it was to heal! I wanted them to know that they didn’t have to have a diagnosis to be worthy of healing. If you felt a bit shitty, that was enough, In fact, you don’t even need to feel shitty! We all have healing and discovering to do! So I decided to create a space for people to do that. Somewhere they felt safe and welcome. I wanted the language to be real and relatable! I wanted the branding to be colourful and inviting! I’m so passionate about what I do and all I want is for that to translate through my business.
How does The Red Tent tie into your life/work/family?
I’ve created The Red Tent to essentially be able to run itself. Or at least it will be able to soon. The joy of creating a business is that YOU get to decide how it will look. How will it support your clients? How will it support your staff? How will it support you? I wanted to create a business that was essentially an extension of myself. I wanted it to be able to support a life of freedom and flexibility! For not only myself, but also for my staff and for my clients. Freedom and flexibility are at the forefront of my mind. I want to be able to be there for my family whenever they need me. I want to work smarter, not harder. I can’t encourage people to look after their mental health and live a life of balance, but create an environment that doesn’t mirror that.
What do you envision for The Red Tent in the future
SO much! We have a podcast launching soon, products that will be available, a membership/subscription, courses and so much more. I also want to take it on the road! Do in-person events!
We are also creating a Men’s Tent and Rainbow Tent, which will be safe spaces specifically for men and the LGBTQIA+ community. They will all be under The Red Tent umbrella, but I think it’s important to have a safe space for these individual communities to heal together. I honestly have huge plans! I am probably an absolute pest to work for haha. This is why I work with A-type personalities who take all the open tabs in my brain and put them in an Excel sheet.
Why do you believe mental health is so important for women specifically?
The short answer is that I don’t. I think it’s important for everyone. But the reason that I created it for women originally is because the feminine energy is the Mother energy. The carer and the nurturer. I truly believe that women are more likely to seek help because (thanks to the patriarchy) there is slightly less stigma attached. I could write a trillion words on this subject, but essentially I believe that if we heal women, we can heal the world.
I’ve seen it happen with our clients. A woman will come to us for help and then before you know it, their husband/partner/brother/son has booked five sessions. If we heal our women, we create space to heal everyone else. We heal generations! We create an emotionally healthier world for our children!
I also want to reiterate that the word *women* is being used as a blanket term for anyone who feels strongly led by their feminine. It has nothing to do with what bits and pieces you were born with.
What have been some of the biggest challenges faced in launching The Red Tent?
I am definitely the biggest challenge without a doubt haha. Imposter syndrome has reared its head often. I’ve been pregnant twice and had a baby in the last year. I’ve had to balance creating and running a business while parenting two (now three) kids. I also work for myself outside of The Red Tent, which I’ve needed to do to fund TRT (starting a business of this size is NOT cheap).
God, there are so many challenges! Creating/running a business is like having another child. It challenges you in so many ways. A giant mirror! The irony of creating a mental health business that has challenged my mental health is not lost on me. It has forced me to heal and grow even further! It has challenged my ego!
Which it has needed to, because I’m just a silly little human with the expectations of a robot.
The business really has gone through (and will continue to go through) it’s own healing journey.
And I love that. The business embodies its purpose.
What would be your go-to piece of advice for new mums?
Your child chose you for a reason. Don’t worry about being the best Mum, and instead channel your energy into being the best YOU.
Kids don’t do as we say, they do as we do.
What is your favourite thing about The Red Tent and why?
Its heart. This business has been created from a deep, deep passion to heal the world. I know this because I am the heart. The Red Tent won’t ever be perfect. It’s human. It doesn’t judge. And it says f*ck occasionally. Because, don’t we all?
Who can access The Red Tent services and how can they do this?
Anyone and everyone! So long as you have the Internet and a phone or computer, you have access to our services! Regardless of where in the world you are!
Our website is still being finished, but at the moment you can check us out and book a session with one of our incredible therapists on Instagram at @the.redtent
How have your priorities changed since you first started The Red Tent?
Oh, great question. I think I’ve shifted from aiming to achieve perfection to embracing my humanness. I started out trying to create a business from my masculine. I was trying to keep up with the masculine entrepreneur energy and it was exhausting and continued to defeat me.
I love the quote “Women are expected to work like they don’t have children, and parent like they don’t work”. Well, I kind of hate that the quote has to exist because it’s so true.
BUT, unfortunately it is very true.
I decided to unsubscribe from that idea.
I didn’t want to work like I didn’t have children. I wanted to work like a real life human. I wanted to slow down, create from intuition and trust the timing of everything.
I still kind of suck at this, but I’m learning.
For more information:
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REBECCA MORSE: “You can’t pour from an empty cup”
Rebecca Morse is co-host of SAFM’s breakfast show, Bec, Cosi & Lehmo. She has a degree in Journalism and started her media career at the ABC, where she was named SA Journalist of the Year in 2005. Rebecca is actively involved in community and charity work, as a proud Ambassador for Kickstart for Kids, the Animal Welfare League, the Premier’s Reading Challenge, Uniting Care Pancake Day and the Port Adelaide Football Club, She is married with three daughters, Grace, Milla and Frankie and an adopted dalmatian named Henley.
It’s my take-out message for you in this issue of KIDDO focusing on health and wellbeing.
I’m parenting three daughters through very different stages. If I’m not well-rested, hydrated and operating at optimum core strength they will eat me alive.
Our youngest at 10 is relatively low maintenance. We just have to drag her off Tik Tok, find her lost library books and try to stop her walking into furniture as the clumsiest child to inhabit the earth.
We did however discover the hard way that she does in fact require at least some degree of maintenance when I had to make an emergency hair appointment after her favoured top knot hairstyle sprouted a dreadlock that had to be cut out. Poor third child.
The middle child has started high school and requires constant contact with her friends.
As a result they are always on speaker when I walk into her room to yell at her to tidy it/do her homework/unpack the dishwasher, meaning they all think I am constantly angry. Not far from the truth to be honest.
Then there’s the biggest challenge. The year 12.
This makes the newborn stage seem like a walk in the park. Although they both cry themselves to sleep.
Here’s a tip to parenting a child through their final year of high school that you can have for free if this challenge is ahead of you…
Comparing their experience to yours will not be well-received.
The “I did Maths, Physics, Chemistry, English, Legal Studies so why are you so stressed with a couple of subjects and some sort of research project that I don’t understand?” argument is always met with a storm-off and door slam.
Pointing out what time one’s 18 year old gets home from da club on a Saturday night when an assignment is due is also a no-go zone apparently.
In fact no experience that you have gained during your own life can be drawn upon as a parent of teenagers because they already know everything there is to know from watching the Insta-famous do unboxings.
So how do we look after our own health and wellbeing while we navigate these parenting challenges?
Everywhere I look the advice is to journal and meditate.
I have tried meditation. I understand the benefits and I’d like to persevere. But I can’t keep my mind clear for even a minute. It’s VERY busy in there.
Then there’s the journaling. I kept a diary as a kid that pretty much just listed whose friend’s house I wanted to have a sleepover at. These days they call that manifesting.
Mindfulness and gratitude I get. I just don’t feel the need to write it down.
You have to find what works for you and not what Oprah or Gwyneth’s latest guru tells you works.
What I need is sleep, exercise and alcohol-free days. Oh, and treats.
Sleep is the toughest box to tick for me, working breakfast radio hours. But watch me nap for Australia. That’s my meditation.
Exercise has always been a big part of my life. I know how bloody annoying that sounds, sorry. It’s ok, I don’t do it every day, I’m not a monster. But on the days when I force myself to do it I never regret it. They’re onto something with that endorphin gear.
As for alcohol-free days, well that’s self-explanatory if not always achievable.
Then there’s the treats. I found myself home alone for an hour on a rare Sunday afternoon recently. The washing and dishes were done. Also rare. Thanks to Nicola’s lockdown tips my drawers were decluttered. I lit a candle that smelled like success, hopped under a blanket with some salt and vinegar chips and watched The White Lotus.
If I had a gratitude journal that would have gone to the top of the list for sure.
So whatever it is you need to fill up your cup, do that. Do it without guilt or excuses or explanations. Be unapologetic about the volume of your cup.
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Fertility SA: Giving Mother Nature a helping hand
With over a decade helping South Australian families and with a hand in more than 2000 babies being welcomed into the world, the team at Fertility SA understand making the decision to have a child is one of the biggest steps people take in their lives. One that doesn’t always go exactly to plan for one reason or another.
Living through a once in a lifetime pandemic has led many women and couples to consider their options and what they want in life. While we’ve been in lockdown FertilitySA have continued their dedicated mission to offer the right treatment for patients, acknowledge that everyone has a different journey and that completely individualised treatment plans are the best way forward.
This means honest and intelligent advice about the treatment options, costs and potential success.
There are many causes of infertility for both men and women and at Fertility SA specialists work with you to give you the best possible chance of conceiving a healthy baby, as well as options to think about before you even start trying.
FREEZING YOUR EGGS FOR LATER
You can choose the option to freeze your eggs even without having a life partner in tow or knowing exactly what the future holds.
If you’re a single woman in your 30s still searching for Mr or Ms Right, you’ve probably been asked “when are you going to settle down and have kids!?” more times than you care to remember.
Trying to find your match can be stressful, particularly if you’re holding out for someone special to start a family with. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help that time isn’t on your side.
As a woman, your chance of having a baby decreases with age. Your most fertile years are when you’re in your early to mid twenties, after which, your fertility begins to decline. Despite the huge advances in technology our basic biology hasn’t changed. Women are born with all the eggs we are ever going to have and they reduce in number every year. Egg quality also starts to reduce around the age of 32 and then more rapidly after 35.
By 40, it’s quite difficult to have a baby using your own eggs and there is a higher risk of pregnancy complications as well.
Increasingly, this important health message is getting out there and women are making appointments to see their doctors to talk about options to preserve their fertility.
Options include planning to have a baby without a partner (through the use of donor sperm), or more commonly, freezing eggs for when the right partner does come along. The decision to use fertility preservation treatment, or to create a family without a partner is a complex one, and no good fertility clinic will embark on treatment lightly.
If you haven’t been successful in conceiving naturally or you’d like to look into your fertility before you start trying, Fertility SA have specialist doctors you can talk to about the way forward.
Offering a range of services from low impact intervention, IVF and ICSI treatments, fertility preservation as well as counselling services and genetic testing, Fertility SA specialists will look at your unique circumstances and help you make the plan that suits your situation.
PLANNING FOR PREGNANCY
Optimising health before you’re pregnant is an increasingly important contributing factor to improving the chances of natural conception. Lifestyle choices can make a big difference! Considering both partner’s current lifestyles and making even small adjustments can drastically improve chances of a healthy pregnancy.
Making a baby at home is obviously a lot more fun than having to face the ‘rollercoaster’ of fertility treatments! Sometimes all it takes is the correct advice and being as healthy as you can be.
It’s not rocket science and it may be boring – but simple things like eating well and getting regular exercise are essential.
More and more research shows that the health of parents in the months leading up to conception, not only impacts on the health of their child, but also on the health of the next generation as well.
Sperm and eggs take three months to fully develop – so it’s ideal to really work on lifestyle for the months before trying to conceive. Fertility SA can help guide you on some of the changes you might need to make to your lifestyle to improve your chances of success.
To find out more about the clinic:
Level 9, 431 King William Street.
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Meet Lawyer Mum, Amy Nikolovski
There have been a lot of career highs for leading legal firm Partner Amy Nikolovski. From being made Partner, to Managing Partner and President of the SA Law Society, Amy’s made it happen. But her proudest career achievement to date has been the positive impact she’s had on the legal profession by bringing change to the industry with respect to sexual harassment, bullying and discrimination.
Amy has been a staunch advocate for women in business and law in all aspects of her professional life, having chaired the sexual harrassment, bullying and discrimination working group of the Law Society and subsequently seeing recommendations she pushed in her term of Presidency resulting in real change for the profession. All the while starting a family and occasionally waking up with a little foot in her face.
We chat with Amy about the pressure on women to have children, the expectation versus reality of being a working mum and her advice to other women working in law.
As you were progressing through life and career goals, did you feel pressure to have babies?
I definitely felt pressure to have babies as I progressed through my life and career goals. My husband and I started dating when I was 16, and got married in 2009, shortly after I turned 27, the pressure was almost immediate. What made it worse was that we had difficulty conceiving, and it felt like every person that I encountered would ask me about when I was planning to have babies, little did they know the struggle I was dealing with. Eventually after 6 years of trying I fell pregnant with my son with the help of IVF at 36 years old, and almost as soon as he was born, people were at me again about when I would have another. As a woman of a certain age, it is like there is no reprieve from baby making!
How would you describe the ‘expectation vs reality’ of having a baby and being a working mother?
I had my son during my Presidential term in 2019, when I was President of the Law Society of South Australia. I look back now and am still unsure how I got through that year, on next to no sleep, traveling all over Australia with a breastfed babe in arms. I have been very lucky though, my mum is an absolute godsend, she looks after Niko and even travelled with me as my “nanny” as did my two sisters in 2019 when I had my first interstate trip to speak at a National Conference in Port Douglas when he was only 9 weeks old. They say it takes a village, and I have been very lucky to have the support of my village over the last two years to be able to support me and my journey as a working mum. My husband also retired in late February 2021, to be a full time stay at home dad, which has again provided more flexibility to me. Being your own boss also makes a difference, in that I was able to work from home (before we were all working from home post covid), and really pick my own hours, which not all mums’ have the luxury of. I am very fortunate to have a really strong support network around me and supportive Partners, who have not seen my young child as a hindrance to my ability to be a leader and a top lawyer.
What has becoming a mother has taught you?
Patience. I have never been one to have a lot of patience, my A-type personality meant that I was constantly on the go, however having a little person means sometimes you just have to move at toddler speed, and that’s ok, not everything has to happen immediately or be perfect all the time.
Have you found your negotiating and communication skills being a lawyer has helped to manage a toddler?
Ah, no! He wins every argument, because can you really negotiate with a toddler? Maybe as he gets a little older my skills will become more useful, but as it currently stands, Niko is in charge, I am just his lowly handmaiden!
What’s the most rewarding thing about being a mum?
Seeing him grow, from his first smile, to crawling, his first steps and first words, I look at him and still can’t believe I grew him inside of me. The sense of love and pride is overwhelming some days.
What advice would you give to other women in law thinking about motherhood?
Do it! Don’t let your career get in the way of having a family, the law will always be there, but your opportunity to have a family may not.
What’s your proudest career achievement?
Seeing a shift in the profession—that I have played a role in—has been inspiring, to know that future women won’t or will be less likely to suffer from the sexual harassment, bullying and discrimination which was running rampant when I first joined the profession.
What does being a trailblazer mean to you?
I actually feel uncomfortable with that term, I think I am just doing my part as a woman in a position of power. I am aware of the privilege that I have and want to ensure as many women are able to access the same opportunities that I have had available to me.
Finish these sentences…
I can’t live without…
Niko… coffee and my phone!
My morning starts with…
Usually with a tiny foot in the face (yes I co-sleep, it is the only way I get any sleep!)
Female role model…
In the law, my friend the honourable Judge Jo-Anne Deuter.
My legacy will be…
At 39, it is still being written.
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